


LEGO Polyamory

by Comingupwithusernamesishard



Category: The LEGO Batman Movie (2017), The LEGO Movie (2014), The LEGO Movie Two: The Second Part
Genre: F/F, F/M, Fluff, I love myself, Lego Movie, M/M, Multi, Multiship, NOT FOR KIDS, Polyamory, Smut, Watbatjokes, Yes Sir, also that one will be slowburn as heck so use this to cope with that tension, and youre not ready for these last two, as usual pick your poison, but this last one, check this out, don't like it keep scrollin, essentially me fawning over my polyamorous lego movie ships, everyone gets fucked, goodybaddykittybeardy, harlivybabs, having the time of my life, here, here they are, hope this catches on, if not that's cool, it's - Freeform, just think there should be more polyamorous shipping culture, mayhemmucy, ready, smut and fluff depending on the chapter, so we don't have to fight all the time, sue's banana split, this last one's the best
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-20
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-17 03:48:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29586771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Comingupwithusernamesishard/pseuds/Comingupwithusernamesishard
Summary: My polyamorous ships from the LEGO movies.  Not for kids.  Some smutt, some fluff, depends on the chapter.  Everyone deserves love and there should be more polyamorous shipping culture.  So here.  Take it.
Relationships: Bad Cop | Good Cop/MetalBeard (The LEGO Movie), Bad Cop | Good Cop/Unikitty (The LEGO Movie), Barnarnar/Susan/Ice Cream Cone, Benny/Bad Cop | Good Cop (The LEGO Movie), Benny/MetalBeard (The LEGO Movie), Benny/MetalBeard/Unikitty, Benny/Metalbeard/Unikitty/Cop, Benny/Unikitty (The LEGO Movie), Emmet Brickowski/General Mayhem | Sweet Mayhem, Emmet Brickowski/General Mayhem/Wyldstyle, Emmet Brickowski/Mayhem/Wyldstyle, Emmet Brickowski/Sweet Mayhem/Wyldstyle, Emmet Brickowski/Wyldstyle | Lucy, Emmet Brickowsky/Mayhem/Lucy, General Mayhem | Sweet Mayhem/Wyldstyle | Lucy, Good Cop/MetalBeard, Harley Quinn/Barbara Gordon, Ice Cream Cone/Barnarnar, Joker (DCU)/Watevra Wa'Nabi/Bruce Wayne, Joker (DCU)/Watevra Wa'nabi, MetalBeard/Unikitty (The LEGO Movie), Poison Ivy/Barbara Gordon, Poison Ivy/Harley Quinn, Poison Ivy/Harley Quinn/Barbara Gordon, Susan/Ice Cream Cone, Watevra Wa'Nabi/Bruce Wayne
Kudos: 2





	1. Preface

Hey everybody! Welcome to my polyamorous brain dump. I certainly hope y'all enjoy yourselves. A few quick notes before we get started:

For reference, the ships are:

Watbatjokes(Watevra Wa'nabi/Batman/Joker)

Harlivybabs(Harley Quinn/Poison Ivy/Barbara Gordon)

Mayhemmucy(Mayhem/Emmet/Lucy)

Sue's Banana Split(Susan/Barnarnar/Ice Cream Cone)

Goody Baddy Kitty Beardy(Good and Bad Cop/Unikitty/MetalBeard/Benny)

Don't like polyamory? Guess what: you are in no way obligated to read this, so keep moving along. Like polyamory? Great! You've probably noticed the same severe lack of it in fandom culture as I have, which is why I'm making this. I hope you enjoy it! Each chapter will feature one of these ships either having fluffy times or smutty times. I hope to hear what you think in the comments below! Also requests are open; if you want a prompt with one of these, just comment, I'd love to do it! Each of the chapters will have a title, an asterick if it includes smut and none of it doesn't, and the ship it's about in parenthesis.

Obligatory Disclaimers:

I know some people are uncomfortable shipping things in stuff made for kids, particularly smutt, but I have tagged this accordingly and you are in no way obligated to read it. I simply feel that these movies are for adults too and wanted to put in my two cents. I love these characters and want to write about them loving each other. Also, this will mostly be a human AU since my knowledge on lego/banana/ice cream anatomy is currently limited, but if you want them in their "original forms" lmk and I'll do my best. Heck, maybe I'll try it anyway if I get bored enough. Anyway this is weird, I know it's weird, you don't have to tell me, but I'm just going to have the time of my life over here and you can do the same over there. Or join me. In the end, it's all about loving yourself and others and living your best life. God speed.


	2. Pillow Fort 1(Watbatjokes)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a Watbatjokes hurt/comfort two-parter; the second part has smut. Trigger warning for panic attacks/PTSD. Happy reading and remember to love yourself! :)

It happened so fast. In a movie, it would feel like slow motion, her hand barely grazing the glass, the quake erupting across the transparent surface and rippling through the blood red wine before it inevitably dragged itself from the table, _cracking_ across the floor like a bone but doing it over, and over, and _over_. But this wasn't a movie; and this happened _just like that._

Watevra's hand brushed the glass, it shattered bloody across the floor, and _that_ was when slow motion hit; that awful purgatory between the shattering and the world ending. 

When the moment passed, she was on her feet in a second, then her knees.

They'd ducked under the table so fast she'd nearly missed it.

There they were, Bruce Wayne and John Doe, curled up together and clinging to each other like their life depended on it; she saw their chests rise and fall in a unison, bonebreaking pace that cut through her heart; she slowly crawled under the bed, but they recoiled.

She froze.

Bruce was crying. John's eyes were simply blown, skin impossibly paler than usual as he hunched around Bruce, staring at nothing as Bruce sobbed into his shoulder.

"Shhh, shhh...it's me," Watevra whispered, and they winced at her words, before something seemed to register in green and blue eyes.

"Ev?" John asked, so quietly she nearly missed it, voice broken. She crept closer carefully, but he still drew away as though, while he recognized her voice, he hadn't connected it to the presence looming over them; painstakingly, Watevra pulled away, standing from under the desk and creeping from the room; they watched the shadow of her feet disappear, holding each other all the tighter.

They were met with her voice before her presence; she'd noted that they seemed to respond better to her voice than her physical proximity, so she hovered around the table, humming under her breath a slow, soothing song she often used to lull her sweethearts to sleep; she could hear their Bruce's sobs breaking away, hushing, as Joker's breathing calmed; instead of moving in immediately, however, she made use of the items she'd acquired from the other room; she draped a grand, maroon quilt over the table so it covered either side, then added some sheets at either end; she stooped down and slipped a flashlight through the blanket; she didn't move it until she felt John's frail fingers accepting the offering, then pulled away; she waited until he'd turned it on to flip the switch off.

She held her breath, but they didn't panic since they had the flashlight, so she continued.

Next, she passed a fuzzy blanket into the fort, then a weighted one; a few more lights: a couple lanterns, a glow in the dark globe, a second flashlight, etc.; she fetched a couple of plastic water bottles from the fridge and passed them through with a curly straw for John; she handed off too many pillows to count, then, eventually, she peeped her head in the fort herself.

Her lovers peered back at her in the near darkness, each holding a flashlight, sitting on the fuzzy blanket and sharing the weighted one, all wrapped up like a little cacoon; she watched them inquistively, and saw that recognition pass across their eyes.

"Evs," Bruce recognized lowly, eyes still red, before he opened his side of the blanket, and John followed suit. "Please."

Watevra didn't hesitate; she slid into the fort and bundled up with her darlings, helping each onto her ample lap to sit spoon; they cuddled up to her breast, and she felt their pittering pattering heartbeats like her own. She leaned back on an arm pillow and wrapped her own arms 'round her boys; she felt their cold bodies nestle into hers for warmth as she drew the weighted blanket tighter around them.

"Sing," John breathed, and Evs resumed her song as they nuzzled into her neck. Eventually, she felt their breathing even out as they dozed off to sleep in her lap, and soon enough, she joined them in their slumber.

"Your Majesty?" Ice Cream Cone called, looking all throughout the palace; he hadn't seen his queen or her courtisans since dinner the night before. When he returned to the dining room, he stopped when he saw the makeshift fort.

 _I don't get paid nearly enough_ , he reminisced, slowly approaching the fort as though fully expecting the threesome to burst from hiding with paintball guns; he had been burned before.

All was quiet, however, and curiously, Ice Cream Cone stooped down and drew away part of the blanket.

Inside, Watevra was still spooning Bruce and John, but was now awake, gently rocking with a lidded, content glaze over her eyes. Her head snapped to him when he parted the blanket, and he stiffened; she simply raised a finger to her lips, and understanding, Ice Cream Cone nodded curtly before pulling away and leaving the three to their rest; he, Susan, and Barnarnar would take care of the morning's paperwork; she didn't have to ask.


	3. Pillow Fort 2*(Watbatjokes)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bratty sub's guide to top from the middle, by John Doe.

Once Ice Cream Cone had withdrawn, Watevra allowed herself to drift back to sleep.

When next she opened her eyes, she was greeted with the smell of toast and jam.

"Breakfast, Your Majesty?"

Watevra looked up to Bruce's trademark smug smirk and John giggling eagerly; both held platters of toast and assorted jams. Her favorite.

"We wanted to play the game," Joker explained, and Bruce nodded, holding out a scrap of toast with some colorful jam smeared across it.

Whatever grinned, and opened her mouth; he fed it to her, and she chewed pensively, the bread crunching between her teeth as the sweet jam sparked her senses.

"Apricot," she said immediately, and John snapped as Bruce laughed.

"Shoot!" John exclaimed. "You were supposed to say _orange!_ "

"You can't pull one over my eyes," Watevra said. "I'm queen for a reason. Next one."

John fed her a scrap this time, with red jelly, and Watevra grinned.

"Cherry!" she said. "My favorite. You should know better!"

"Guess I lose," John said, not taking his content gaze from her stunning smile.

"Next one!" Bruce chirped, feeding her a scrap with a brown coating.

"This is Nutella!" Watevra exclaimed. "Are you even _trying_ , now?"

John and Bruce looked at each other as though children caught with their hands in a cookie jar.

"What?"

"We were just trying to surprise you," John admitted. "We wanted to make you feel good! Since you..."

"Helped us last night," Bruce finished carefully.

Watevra glanced between the two of them.

"You don't have to repay me," she said. "Serious. I'm always happy to love on my boys. You don't owe me--"

"We know we don't," Bruce cut in. "But we don't have to. We just remembered, last night, what a wonderful woman we're in love with, and we wanted to treat her right. 'Cause we'd do anything for _our girl_."

Watevra smirked, plucking another piece of toast and chewing on it. This one _was_ orange.

"So what else did you have planned?" she inquired, licking stray crumbs from her luscious chocolate lips, not missing the way her boys mirrored the gesture as they watched her tongue.

"We-uh-well we," John stuttered.

"We were thinking we'd fuck you in this pillow fort," Bruce cut in curtly, and Watevra would've laughed outright if it wasn't so _hot_. She loved when her boys took charge.

"If you're up for it," Bruce added after a beat, and Watevra smiled eagerly, plucking the platters from their hands.

"Let me make one thing clear," she said, setting the plates safely outside the fort. "You two? _Never_ need a reason to fuck me in a pillow fort."

She leaned back on her elbows and snapped, pointing at her pussy.

"I've had my breakfast," she said. "Why don't you boys treat yourselves?"

Their eyes lit up, and they knelt before their queen, bowing to all fours to hover over her; John started plucking the bread crumbs from her chin, one by one, like a monkey grooming a mate, as Bruce bowed before her center, parted her slit dress and hiked it to her hips, and teasingly slid her thong down her thighs. Evsy meweled, letting her head fall back and John took the invitation to nip at her neck, drawing a pleased gasp; he moved back to her chin, liking a long stripe before cleaning her face with his tongue. As Bruce cast the thong aside and settled himself between her thighs, John moved on to quick pecks across Watevra's cheeks which turned to hungry kisses along her lips, lapping up the remaining sweetness of the jam.

" _Mmmm_ ," John reminisced as Watevra allowed him access and his talented tongue danced along hers, " _my favorite_."

Likewise, Watevra felt Bruce's lips kissing a line up her thighs and to her sex, but she knew he was not so tongue-oriented as her other lover; he was more one to let his _hands_ do the talking. Sure enough, when Watevra moaned once more into John's mouth, as if trying to one-up his lover, Bruce traced a line up Watevra's slit and rubbed her clit between his thumb and forefinger; she gasped, and John took the opportunity to eagerly bite her lower lip; her entrance clenched around Bruce's fingertips, and he smirked.

"Now _that's_ a surprise," he lulled, rubbing the clit once more though watching her reaction to make sure he didn't hurt her; on the contrary, when he realized it seemed he hadn't gone far _enough_ , he pinched along the shaft of the bundle, drawing a roar from his lover that he could've sworn sounded like _yes_. "I _think_ our queen has inherited your masochist streak, Jaybird."

John merely laughed excitedly, tracing his sharp teeth along Watevra's tongue.

"Is that so?" he finally gasped, lowering himself so his erection was pinned against her impressive stomach, loving the feeling of her belly rolls easily mounding around his cock. "We always knew she was a _frea-k_ , like us." He watched her reaction, and seeing only pleasure, continued, now nearly humping her gut. "Let's see how she likes _this_." He reached between his knees, Bruce still teasing her clit with one hand and holding one of her thighs open with the other, and drew her skirt even higher, revealing her stomach. " _Theeere's_ a pretty picture..." He drew back and Bruce rose to his knees instinctively as John's impressive ass nearly met his face, and started kissing Watevra's soft, chocolate stomach as he rolled his hips into Bruce's crotch; both moaned.

" _Shit_ , Jokes," Bruce moaned, rutting his hips eagerly as he moved his hands to draw Watevra's thighs further apart. "Who knew you could _take charge_."

"I can take a _lot_ of things," John pointed out, shoving his ass into Bruce's hard crotch and drawing a primal groan from him. " _A. lot. of. things._ "

"What about _me?_ " Watevra demanded as Bruce unzipped his jeans, his cock eagerly bursting from his boxer opening. John looked at his other lover.

" _You_ ," he said. "Are about to get _eaten_."

With that, he buried his face in her stomach, gnawing on the rolls in places and leaving lovely, red-lip-lined hickeys all along her flesh; she gasped with each bite and moaned in between as his tongue found her belly button, penetrating the little crevice as his rear still danced around Bruce's cock; the millionare responded by reaching around his lover to unzip his dress pants and pull them down his thighs, piling at his knees.

"One _second_ , Brucie~" John called, drawing a disappointed mewl from his other lover; John smirked as Bruce obediently pulled away, and bending his elbows, arms pinned on either side of his queen, he lowered himself further. "We can't make a _burrito_ without a _tortilla._ " It took Bruce a moment, but soon he understood, pulling a couple candy-flavored condoms from his pocket and applying one to himself, then disposing of John's pants and pulling one onto his own. John then reached down to line his hard, sweet length up with Watevra's entrance; she mewled on contact.

" _Shhh_ ," John lulled as Bruce white-knuckled John's hips, smirking pleasurably at his lover's familiar strength. " _Alllllll_ together now."

Picking up at last, Bruce smiled as maniacally as his lover, and on the count of three, penetrated John's rear as John ploughed into their queen's sweet pussy; all howled together like a pack of wolves as they rutted and writhed.

" _Do you like it?_ " Joker cried, meeting Bruce's rhythm and pushing it into their queen.

" _Do you need to ask?_ " Watevra demanded, clenching around Joker's length and grasping his shoulders to pull his face to her breast; he obediently slid her dress over her shoulder with her help, then her bra, and started nibbling at her nipples; she rolled into his contact, pulling his cock up to meet her G-spot for yet another layer of pleasure; he howl was enough to let him know, and he smirked into her impressive breasts, continuing to rut into that sweet spot.

" _Little higher_ , Bruce," he mewled between Evsy's breasts, and Bruce obediently pulled out, knelt a little, and shoved back in at an upward angle; Joker's ecstatic scream and laughter informed him he'd struck gold. "Right there! Yes!" Joker exclaimed, drawing his hips back onto Bruce's shaft then pounding them forward again into Evsy's cunt. " _That's_ it! That's it!"

Unlike Bruce, Joker was a loud lover, and his voice was music to their ears as they all came together, riding out their high to the sound of John's ecstatic cackles before collapsing onto each other in one big sandwich. John and Bruce pulled out, tossing the old condoms aside as cum coated their thighs and rolling to either side of their queen; she, likewise, reached down and felt her wap contently. 

" _Mmm_ ," she moaned after some moments filled only with the three's hot, heavy breaths. "I think we need to get Joker to make breakfast more _often_ , don't we, Bats?"

"You can say that again," Bruce said, wrapping an arm around Evs as he rolled to his side, Joker mirroring the movement on the other side.

"Your wish is my command," Joker lulled. "But for _now..._ how 'bout desert?"


	4. Diamond in the Rough pt. 1(Harlivybabs)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Rogue infighting gets out of hand, sometimes you need another hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another two-parter: first part has buildup, second has sex. After the next chapter I might expand this into a full-blown story of its own, but for now, enjoy the brevity.

The first question Chief Commissioner Barbara Gordon gets asked at every conference--( _after_ the usual misogynistic bull about what kind of underwear she wears in the field)--is one she's often asked herself:

Why Gotham?

Why would she choose to serve the force in the most _crime-ridden_ city possible? Well, the answer was usually easy: it was her home. She loved it. She loved the people. She grew up there, and she wanted to make it a better place; it was her passion.

Today, however, is one of those days when _reason_ just flies out the window and she's left in the dust.

" _Okay_ , just calm down everyone--"

" _Eat me_ , Commish!" Harley Quinn barks from her perch on a rooftop, standing off against her fellow Rogue big-wig Poison Ivy.

"There's no need to be _crass_ , Harls," Poison Ivy chides from her tower of vines. "This is between _us_."

"Tell _that_ to the guy with a _machine gun_ pointed at my keester!" Harley snaps, jabbing her hammer at the offending party, who quickly snaps his barrel back up to her pigtailed head. Barbara sighs and takes the offered megaphone from a nearby officer.

"I thought you two were _buddy buddy?_ " she demands.

"Oh we're _more_ than that, right, sexy?" Harley calls to her lover, who blows her a wink and kiss. "Just _today_ we're sorda... _at arms_. See sweetcheeks, this here is _my turf_. And we _discussed this_."

"It's not _my_ fault your _goons_ decided to cause a _chemical spill_ over here!" Poison Ivy interjects. "I'm just cleaning up their mess!"

"I _al-ready_ cleaned up their mess!" Harley returns with pure exasperation. "I chucked 'em in the sewers for _Crock_ to take care of."

"Write that down," Babs notes to a nearby officer before turning back to the quarreling lovers.

"And I appreciate that, sweetie, you know that," Poison Ivy says, and Harley beams a the nickname. "But while solving the _root_ of the problem is paramount, you still have to manage the _aftermath_."

"Okay, I've heard enough!" Babs snaps through the megaphone, calling the Rogues' attention once more. "Harley, Ivy's just trying to be helpful. Ivy, Harley feels like you overstepped her boundaries."

The two start to snap back, before pensive looks pass over both their eyes and they look back at each other.

"You were trying...to _help?_ " Harley squeaks. "Help--me?"

"Of course!" Ivy exclaims. "You're my Harls! I want to make sure your turf is happy and beautiful, just like you." She cocks her head. "You are...happy with me, aren't you?" She starts playing with her red locks nervously. "I didn't--realize how important this turf thing was to you...If I thought--I would _never--_ "

" _Shh_ , I know," Harley coos, stepping to the edge of the roof where Ivy lowers on her vines to meet her; Harley drops her hammer to take her girlfriend's hands, but cannot meet her eyes, shuffling her feet sheepishly. "I just...I'm so _used_ to people taking advantage of me...telling me what to do...when you came over here without _talking_ to me, it felt like you were doing that too--like you didn't think I could _do_ this alone."

"Of _course_ you can, Harley!" Poison Ivy gasps, gently taking her cheek in hand to turn her eyes to meet hers. " _Of course you can_ do this alone. But...you don't have to. That's all I was saying. I _want_ to help you, not because you _need_ it, but because you're _you!_ " It's her turn to duck her head. "But I should've talked to you first...I'm really--"

Before she can finish, her lips are sealed by Harley's, and the two lovingly embrace in the twilight.

"...uh...should we--?" the officer by Barbara asks awkwardly.

"Go. Yes." She makes the call for everyone to disperse as the lovers seem not to pay them any mind.

One cop in particular, however, is on both of their minds as the flashing lights vanish in the distance.

Likewise, it was all Barbara can do to get home that night and push the thoughts of the embracing lovers from her mind.

 _Am I a perv now?_ She wonders, feeling a fire blooming within her as she thinks about--about the way those two were--the way they _spoke_ to each other, like-like--

Like someone could ask them about their _passion_ , and they could answer without a second thought. Like it was as natural as the night and day. Like as much chaos as surrounded them in this slum of a city, when they were together, everything made sense.

Like a diamond in the rough.


End file.
